Greetings, brave souls who dare to delve into the world of Pilates! Today, let's talk about the Hundred, that infamous exercise that makes your body quake and your inner voice scream, 'Why, oh why did I sign up for this?' As you enter the class, you're filled with a mix of excitement and dread, will there be The Hundred today?... or The Hundreds as I like to call it since I am completely unable, or maybe it is unwilling to count to 100.
You lay down on your mat, ready to unleash your inner Pilates superstar, glancing at the welcoming, smiley bubbly teacher lulling you into a false sense of security (what the smile actually means is 'You have no idea what you're in for - better buckle up buttercup!'), Surely someone so friendly you just had a lovely chat with couldn't, nay WOULDN'T ambush you with The Hundred...? WRONG!!!!!
With a flick of the wrist, the countdown begins. 'Inhale for five, exhale for five,' they say, as if breathing through the pain will somehow make it easier to survive The Hundred... Nope, it won't. You start pumping your arms like you're trying to flag down a passing UFO, desperately hoping that extraterrestrial life forms will swoop in and rescue you from this Pilates purgatory.
By count thirty, your abs are on fire, your arms are spaghetti noodles, and your will to live is hanging on by a thread. As you struggle through each count, you can't help but wonder: Who invented this sadistic torture device disguised as a workout? And more importantly, can they be sued for emotional distress?
As you're just about to throw in the (sweaty?) towel, a glimmer of hope appears on the horizon - are we really at 90...?! You thought it was all over (just showing that hope is the last to leave the human spirit) when it happens...your well-meaning teacher drops the bomb: 'And now, let's hold it for a hundred counts.' Hold it. For a hundred counts. You stare at them in disbelief, wondering if they've lost their mind or if this is some kind of cruel prank.
Yet somehow, against all odds, you persevere while silently cursing the day you ever heard the word 'Pilates.' But you might also laugh - because what else can you do when faced with such absurdity? And then, fnally, it's is definitely over - 'And... relax, hug your knees in,'
You collapse onto your mat, maybe exhausted but also strangely proud. The Hundred may be the closest thing to torture this side of the Spanish Inquisition, but you survived, and that is well worth celebrating - preferably with a glass of wine and a pint of ice cream. So well done you brave Pilates souls, may your body be sore and your spirits high, because hey - at least you didn't have to use the Magic Circle!
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